6th Day of Lent..

I find myself ALWAYS restored by Your grace and strength Lord.. I'm such a weak girl.. I can't take it sometimes because not many people know how much burden I have to carry for myself and my family.. Maybe it's just me.. Maybe I just don't want to trouble people.. So that's why I'll always find ways to push people aside.. Even when what I needed most were them to be by my side..=(

It's my dream to enter in this phase and I'm not seeking for attention or for sympathy but sometimes.. It's just so difficult for me to carry my own cross.. I'm just so so tired.. Physically and mentally.. And all I could do was to cry myself to sleep sometimes because that's the only "comfort" I can find.. In silence..

It's a race that I have to finished no matter what.. The only difference is that sometimes.. People reached the finish line slow.. Some got lost in between.. Some just give up.. And seniors would always say this phrase for UTAR students.." It's easy for you to get in, But to get out.. It's difficult" .. I've seen some of my friends leaving UTAR.. Some change course.. Some were still here even when they're 3 to 4 years older because they have to repeat.. And the grading system has gone up.. And you cannot graduate if you fail even ONE subject.. It's so much different from public university.. You can ask anyone from the public uni that "migrated" here.. They said they just landed into "hell"..LOL..=P

But it's different for me.. To me, my family is really important and no matter what happens, I MUST bring them up.. Even if it means that I will have to give up my life just to save the from a disaster or something.. I will do it..My family means a lot to me.. Don't we all?=')

But God? He is everything I could ever ask for.. For example, every Monday I would have back to back classes (sometimes I don't even have the time to grab a bite of bread or biscuits) because I will be in the hurry to catch the bus for campus.. I have guys who will asked me to hitch a ride from them but if you know me, I don't like to depend on people.. I'm always and will always try to be independent as much as I can.. So obviously, like I've said before, Year 2 is very bloody exhausting.. We have so many assignments and back to back midterms from last week till the middle of March.. Non-stop.. Our university has a way of "beating" us till we have no energy to have fun or chillax.. All we do is study and study.. I can't think of anything except that.. and my family.. and above all, GOD. Guys? TOTALLY NIL..

But my Daddy in Heaven is always loving.. Everytime when I'm really beat-up to even do anything whist midterm's coming and I needed to study (even if it means glue my eyelids on the notes).. He would always give me this strength after I prayed to Him.. And I feel so rejuvenated.. so alive again.. =DDD

Maybe this is what I'll need to reflect during my Lentern resolution.. Is that.. No matter what happens, I will always find my way back to Him.. I'll always have the strength to pick my cross up and follow Him.. Even through darkest time.. Even if I'm tempted to do something.. I'll always think of Him.. And I will always BE STILL FOR HIM.. AND KNOW THAT HE IS MY GOD..=) And on the brighter note, my sister is coming to Kampar this Sunday! I'm shooooo happy! *jumps around.. BWAHAHAHA! Well at least I'll have someone to bully instead of me being alone always in my room..=P

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust