Sometimes or many times perhaps, I feel extremely tired of continuing my crosses in life because along the way, one might not exactly see fairytale endings happening but rather the sad reality that life might not be exactly what we want them to be. And many times as well, I've been wearing a mask all around me because I just feel that sense of security, secure that people around me will tend to think that I'm this really strong girl who's happy enough to do what she wants and like in life. She does not cry, is not weak, always make it to the top, always a perfectionist. But God knows too well. I'm just as weak as anyone here on Earth.
I'm not strong enough and will never be strong enough if I do not have God in my life. I'm living in this world where everything needs to be extra perfect so as to lift my family standards up when all I ever wanted was for someone to see that I needed a break. I'm tired. Really tired. But at the same time, I do not want to disappoint them. Sometimes, I would have just cried myself to sleep because like my housemate said (that woman is another one, I cant never hide anything from her haha!=P) I'm the type of person that's really good in hiding my sorrows and pain. I will not lash and rant and complain because I've learnt that not all of them will symphatize about what you've been through. Most will just laughed and judge.
But as imperfect as I am, I know that God is constantly watching over me and I trust Him with all my heart that in time, just in time, I'll be able to see the light again because He never fails to show His blessings to those who believe in Him. I did see most of it. Stages by stages. I've begun to understand the reasons to all the mystery of faith. And I wanna know more. I crave for more. I thirst for Him. I seriously do. That's why you see me going home most of the time LOLOL (My boyf will laughed if he sees this..=P) I'm not really home sick.. It's just that sometimes I come home to serve God and His ministry. And to get His body (I can't get it here in Kampar unfortunately because most of the churches here are Christian churches) so my room is literally a Blessed Sacrament with the altar and all..=P
To phrase it in the exact way, I'm a confirmed Christ addict. As in everytime, I need to read His word (even if it means just one phrase) because I treat that as a message that God wants to tell me. And believe it or not, most of the time, He answers my every doubts. =)
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| Stitches is 1 month old! Heh.. =DDD |
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| Cooking session with the housemates! They are all sehr gut people. Hehe. I'm blessed to have them in my life. =DDD |
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